Once upon a time, there was a big bad wolf. He was an ornery cuss. He ate pizza and drank beer all the time. He loves huge slabs of pork, roasted on an open fire. That pork crackling was so good, especially when you sprinkled lots of salt on it. He was tired all the time and was usually in a foul mood. His back hurt and he had sore feet which did nothing to improve his disposition.

One day, the big bad wolf had a craving for some fire roasted pork. He knew where some pigs lived so he hobbled off on his sore feet to go catch one. As he hobbled along, he devised a plan to catch a pig. Because he was so tired he wanted to put out as little effort as possible, after all pigs must be pretty stupid. It shouldn’t be too hard to trick them.

After a while, the big bad wolf came across a straw hut. I smell pig, he thought. Shhh, we’ll sneak up to the door and trick this pig. Now, this pigs name was Exercise. He was a strong fit pig and took pleasure in exercising every day. The big bad wolf looked at the straw hut and thought that the straw hut looked pretty flimsy so he said. “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” “Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin,” said Exercise. “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down,” squeaked the wolf. He wasn’t feeling so hot and had to sit down. He could hear the little pig squealing with laughter inside the hut. I’ll show him he thought. So he huffed and he puffed and he wheezed. He blew as hard as he could and a few pieces of straw twitched a little. He lay down on the ground gasping for breath as Exercise has to wipe his eyes, he was laughing so hard.

The big bad wolf had to rest before he could pick himself up and hobble away in disgust. His sore feet weren’t getting any better but he was determined to catch a pig. His mouth watered as he thought of big slabs of pork, dripping with fat….mmmmmmm.

After a while, he came across a hut of sticks. I smell pig again, he thought. He was practically salivating, thinking about that pork dripping with grease. These sticks look pretty flimsy, too, he thought. I can just push over this house, so he said. “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” “Not by the hair on my chinny- chin-chin,” said this little pig, whose name was AlkalineDiet. “Then I’ll flex my muscles and I’ll push your house down,” squeaked the wolf. He was getting really tired by now and had to sit down again. Talking himself into the fact that this little house looked pretty flimsy, he flexed his muscles and winced. They hurt a lot but that greasy pork was beckoning and his stomach was hurting something awful. I don’t want to starve, he though, so he flexed his muscles again and pushed as hard as he could against the little stick hut. Nothing moved and Diet who was watching from the window was laughing hysterically. The big bad wolf collapsed in a heap on the ground, howling in pain. Diet squealed in delight.

The big bad wolf crawled away, groaning and crying with every move. Drat, I want that pork, he cried. He slunk over to a tree and collapsed. He slept for a while and when he woke up he was ravenous. He hobbled off looking for another pig. After a while, he came across a brick house, just reeking of pork. Now he was really salivating. He looked around for a way to get into that house. It looked like a fortress.

Maybe this little pig is really stupid, he thought. “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” “Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin,” said this little pig, whose name was Cerra Water. “Come on, little pig, open the door. I want to show you something.” “You’re out of your freakin’ mind” laughed Cerra Water. “What have you been eating and drinking that you have such insane thoughts.

By now the wolf was getting weaker and more and more sore. He had to eat something. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a flashing neon sign “Chick n Ribs” just down the road a ways. He crawled along the road, clutching his visa card, thinking about fire roasted ribs. It was better than nothing. That pork roast would have to wait for another day.

The moral of the story is, if you are smart about your Alkaline Diet, Exercise and Cerra Water, you are unbeatable and if you eat an acidic diet and drink acidic water you’re going to suffer eventually.


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